Behavioral scientist Paul Dolan says that traditional markers of success no longer apply nowadays.
There was a backward thinking that a woman who chooses to be single is not happy, the London School of Economics professor of behavioral sciences, Paul Dolan, said at the Hay Festival: “The happiest women are the ones who prefer to say no to marriage. They also have a tendency to live longer than married women and with children. ”
The spinster aunt is no longer seen as a bad thing
Do you remember when your mother or grandmother spoke with regret about that “spinster” aunt, always pointing out that she should be a lonely and needy person? It is quite possible that you remember, after all it was not so long ago that people, in general, thought so. Even today, it is possible to notice, in the conversation circles, traces of this discourse. But the good news is that, little by little, this idea has been dissipating, and giving rise to an understanding that happiness is not the same for everyone. There are those who are happy living a marriage and starting a family and there are those who are happy loving themselves.
And to prove it, the London School of Economics professor of behavioral sciences, Paul Dolan, said at the Hay Festival: “ The happiest women are the ones who prefer to say no to marriage. They also have a tendency to live longer than married women and with children . ”
” Married people are happier than other subgroups of the population, but only when they answer the question in the presence of their partners ,” he said, according to The Guardian.
” But when the partner is not present: they are unhappy to be *** .” , nailed the specialist.
According to Dolan, women have the most to lose when they decide to get married. “We have good data accompanying the same people over time, but I will do science a great disservice and say: if you are a man, you should probably get married; if you’re a woman, don’t worry about it. ”
For these statements, which may sound somewhat shocking to some people, Dolan used evidence from the American Time Use Survey , which compared levels of happiness and suffering between single, married, divorced, separated and widowed individuals.
Dolan’s statements are in line with the views of Elyakim Kislev, assistant professor at Hebrew University in Israel and author of Happy Singlehood: The Rising Acceptance and Celebration of Solo Living (Feliz Solteirice: the growing acceptance and celebration of solo life, in free translation) ).
Kislev had previously told HuffPost Canada that being single has many advantages, including not being in an unhappy marriage because you were pressured to get married. In addition, singles are better educated compared to married and divorced people. “To say that being single and being alone are the same thing is a big mistake,” he said.
Speaking at the 2016 American Psychological Association annual conference, expert Bella dePaulo said that singles have more robust social lives and can have more psychological growth than married couples.
The researcher presented data showing that singles are more connected with family and friends, while married people tend to spend more time with partners, says the British newspaper.
She also said that self-reliant singles are less likely to experience negative emotions – while self-reliant married couples suffer more from stress.
So, despite all these discoveries, why do single people feel unhappy? Because of this ancient narrative that marriage and children are signs of success, Dolan said.
“You see a 40-year-old single woman who has never had children – that’s a shame, isn’t it? Maybe one day you will meet the right guy and that will change. No, maybe she’ll find the wrong guy and that will change. Maybe she’ll find a guy who will make her less happy and healthy and die sooner. ”